Zombies pt.3
So the strangest thing happened. I was casually walking down this road, and the most rave zombie appeared. He must have died on a rave or some shit, cuz' damn that outfit was dope.
I am now a proud owner of flourescent green sun glasses and a yellow fuckboy hat.
Also i got new J's.
Envy much fellow survivors?
But that experience got me thinking. What was the strangest zomvie i've ecer seen. So i made a top 5 list, here it is:
No.5 - It was actualy an old person, he probably rose from a grave or some shit, he literaly was half rotten and had like a 1930 outfit. For a second i thought i saw a swastika, but then i realized all nazi zombies are probably in Argentina or Norway, not here.
No.4 - This one was the cutest little dead person i've ever seen. It was a little girl in her sunday church clothes. I must admit, that night i had Ring related nightmares.
No.3 - President fucking Bush Jr. Thats all. I saw a zombie Bush.
No.2 - A pack of skinheads is scarry, a pac of dead ones even more so. I swear to god they looked like they wanted to buy weed...
No.1 - I once found a working car, it was in bad shape, it smelled like hell, but it was drivable. I thought the smell would clear, but it didn't i had that car for a month, before i found the source of the smell. There was a half rotten zombie head full of worms in the engine. That car was set ablaze by a tragic gasoline related incident.
So here is my top 5 list of craziest zombies. But what may seem crazy to you is my normal life. Mojo (my journal) started mumbling. Yes i hear voices and No i am not crazy, i think. So gotta go if a want any sleep tonight.
sreda, 17. maj 2017
Zombies pt.2
So yesterday i said i'd start an adventure, but... not yet. I got high as a kite in the evening, and i woke up around noon today. It's a hard life beeing me, now even more so, when i can't complain about legalisation all day, since there is no goverment. At least i think there isn't, if there is, did they legalize it yet? Now i could start talking about weed vs. alcohol, but i'll spare you this time.
So today the strangest thing happened. I dont know, maybe my plants mutated or some shit, but i think it keeps the zombies away... I'll have to test that one day, but now let's return to my preparation for the adventure!
Packing list:
-Weed bag no.1,
-Hash bag no.1,
-Oil bottle no.2 (I used all of no.1 couple of days ago),
-Food; doritos, bread, nutella and some whiped cream (I might find some strawberies),
-Water
-My bong, and couple of homemade blunts.
Besides the listed things i always carry a knife, 2 - 3 lighters and a small showel. Why so many lighters you ask? Well i might lose one and i need a backup, trust me i learned that the hard way. I once wanted to smoke, but i didn't have a lighter, so i had to steal a car, to drive 45 minutes, to find a spare in the car... Shitiest day of my life, so far.
Now where i live there are alot of hills, so i needed a plan for my trip, so yesterday during the highest levels of human understanding, i drew a map, or at least so i thought. I guess a curvy line with an arrow at the end, saying and i quote "Go there fuckead!" isn't really pro-map material. So i began maping my area, and i realized, i can't do it, so i stuck with the original.
It's afternoon now, so i should be going, but i just wanna smoke some first.
Now one thing stoners usualy get wrong is lazynes. I love doing stuff when i'm high, like rolling more joints or packing a bowl. Sometimes i even clean the bong! Well i could say i do more when high, but why should i lie.
I almost just shat my pants! I was casualy walking down the road, when a small hoard of about 25 - 30 zombies showed up. So i tried my method, and i light up. It didn't work for shit! I guess the first one was just a lucky strike, but these zombies looked like they wanted a hit or something, i swear on my cats left ball, i never saw a zombie go this fast or even run! Now here is a big fuck you for everyone who still think that smoking weed doesn't evolve you. These dead fucks are your example.
I managed to run away tho, i even scored a kill on two of them. That makes it about 63 or so. It's hard to keep track, i mean i had like a poiny sistem to it, here is some of it:
-full zombie - 1 point,
-missing one arm or leg - 0,75 point,
-missing both arms or legs - 0,5 point,
-only torso - 0,25 point,
-head only - 20$/hour.
Ignore the last one, i made some fucked up list while high, it's not my fault they mixed up.
And that's how i used to rate my zombie killings. But i lost track soon, i i'm jus too fuckin lazy to start again.
Now i must end this log here, i have along road ahead of me. Here's to evryone that's high right now. Cheers and goodnight.
So yesterday i said i'd start an adventure, but... not yet. I got high as a kite in the evening, and i woke up around noon today. It's a hard life beeing me, now even more so, when i can't complain about legalisation all day, since there is no goverment. At least i think there isn't, if there is, did they legalize it yet? Now i could start talking about weed vs. alcohol, but i'll spare you this time.
So today the strangest thing happened. I dont know, maybe my plants mutated or some shit, but i think it keeps the zombies away... I'll have to test that one day, but now let's return to my preparation for the adventure!
Packing list:
-Weed bag no.1,
-Hash bag no.1,
-Oil bottle no.2 (I used all of no.1 couple of days ago),
-Food; doritos, bread, nutella and some whiped cream (I might find some strawberies),
-Water
-My bong, and couple of homemade blunts.
Besides the listed things i always carry a knife, 2 - 3 lighters and a small showel. Why so many lighters you ask? Well i might lose one and i need a backup, trust me i learned that the hard way. I once wanted to smoke, but i didn't have a lighter, so i had to steal a car, to drive 45 minutes, to find a spare in the car... Shitiest day of my life, so far.
Now where i live there are alot of hills, so i needed a plan for my trip, so yesterday during the highest levels of human understanding, i drew a map, or at least so i thought. I guess a curvy line with an arrow at the end, saying and i quote "Go there fuckead!" isn't really pro-map material. So i began maping my area, and i realized, i can't do it, so i stuck with the original.
It's afternoon now, so i should be going, but i just wanna smoke some first.
Now one thing stoners usualy get wrong is lazynes. I love doing stuff when i'm high, like rolling more joints or packing a bowl. Sometimes i even clean the bong! Well i could say i do more when high, but why should i lie.
I almost just shat my pants! I was casualy walking down the road, when a small hoard of about 25 - 30 zombies showed up. So i tried my method, and i light up. It didn't work for shit! I guess the first one was just a lucky strike, but these zombies looked like they wanted a hit or something, i swear on my cats left ball, i never saw a zombie go this fast or even run! Now here is a big fuck you for everyone who still think that smoking weed doesn't evolve you. These dead fucks are your example.
I managed to run away tho, i even scored a kill on two of them. That makes it about 63 or so. It's hard to keep track, i mean i had like a poiny sistem to it, here is some of it:
-full zombie - 1 point,
-missing one arm or leg - 0,75 point,
-missing both arms or legs - 0,5 point,
-only torso - 0,25 point,
-head only - 20$/hour.
Ignore the last one, i made some fucked up list while high, it's not my fault they mixed up.
And that's how i used to rate my zombie killings. But i lost track soon, i i'm jus too fuckin lazy to start again.
Now i must end this log here, i have along road ahead of me. Here's to evryone that's high right now. Cheers and goodnight.
torek, 16. maj 2017
Zombies
No one knew how it started, but TV shows and movies sure as hell prepared us for it. Now this reads like a journal, not a book, or a comic book. Cuz' it is a journal. I started calling it Mojo, just with the spanish J = H. I don't know why, i guess it's the combination of shitload of dead people, constant killing and no running water. But on the upside; there was an aniversary today, i've killed my 1000th zombie. But the traditions demanded i kill it in a extrodanary fasion, so i did. I got some help from my frends, they're called gasoline, karbit, and some maches. I swear to god that was the biggest explosion since we blew up a mountain, to block a horde one time...
Anyway it's been a good week, my weed farm finally started to show some results, meaning that on monday i was high as a motherfucker. All day. But also due to lack of rolling papers i made myself a bong. It's a masterpiece, if i may say so, it's not like i have a lot of people to show it to. Well i do but, i din't really like tgose folks. I do have one friend tho, and he lives up the road from my place (up the road is cca. 15 km). But we see eachother from time to time. Last time he had a family, but i think they died last week or so, not that i know about it but it had something to do with a small homemade napalm incident, but on the upside, the fire was beautiful, you could see it for kilometers around.
I've been living in this shithole of a place for 5 to 6 months now, and oh boy i intend to move. But let me describe this "home" of mine. It's quite small, about 30 square meters, but in this space i've managed to put a stove, a "bed" mostly made out of old rags and stuff, couple of closets and ofcourse my farm, which if i may quite modestly say i am very proud of. When i found those seeds, i became the happiest man alive or walking-dead-sort of-not really-alive thing. But i think by now you get the picture: i'm a stoner in an apocalypse by zombie plague. One might say its boring, and sad or even tragic, but i find it hilarious, i trully do. Becouse since it happened i've seen some happy motherfuckers around here. I mean, what is better than geting in a fight with your wife about some dumb shit, than literally beeing able to go out and shoot somebody out of frustration?!? What beats that? Nothing! Except maybe a cold one after a busy day of procrastinating, like most of my days go.
Now people usually think about survival in this sort of mess i'm in, but i rather think about life. If you jeed food you go out and shoot something, if you need water you go to the river and drink some, it's quite simple really, all this post-apocalyptic bullshit. Just movies make it hard with all the drama and family stuff. There can't be any drama if they're dead. Not that i killed them, but i kight have been involved in the proces before their death. But don't start hating on me yet, let me explain. My father was an asshole, he was that regular type city guy with a low paid job. Angry all the time, and probably would trade me for a football ticket, he was for Liverpool, told you he was an idiot. My mom was caring, lovely and sweet, now think of the best posible oposites of those words, and you'll describe her perfectly. I had a sister once, but she married some ruch guy in columbia, i never met him, but i think i snorted his coke once, it was some good shit. But they're in a better place now, the police caught them couple of years back and they all died while trying to escape, i think the house blew up or something.
Now back to reality. By these words let my adventure begin, now i shall wonder in ti the unknow, and probably die a horrible death, but why dafuck do i care, the world is fucked anyways, better be living the last days to the max
End of part one.
No one knew how it started, but TV shows and movies sure as hell prepared us for it. Now this reads like a journal, not a book, or a comic book. Cuz' it is a journal. I started calling it Mojo, just with the spanish J = H. I don't know why, i guess it's the combination of shitload of dead people, constant killing and no running water. But on the upside; there was an aniversary today, i've killed my 1000th zombie. But the traditions demanded i kill it in a extrodanary fasion, so i did. I got some help from my frends, they're called gasoline, karbit, and some maches. I swear to god that was the biggest explosion since we blew up a mountain, to block a horde one time...
Anyway it's been a good week, my weed farm finally started to show some results, meaning that on monday i was high as a motherfucker. All day. But also due to lack of rolling papers i made myself a bong. It's a masterpiece, if i may say so, it's not like i have a lot of people to show it to. Well i do but, i din't really like tgose folks. I do have one friend tho, and he lives up the road from my place (up the road is cca. 15 km). But we see eachother from time to time. Last time he had a family, but i think they died last week or so, not that i know about it but it had something to do with a small homemade napalm incident, but on the upside, the fire was beautiful, you could see it for kilometers around.
I've been living in this shithole of a place for 5 to 6 months now, and oh boy i intend to move. But let me describe this "home" of mine. It's quite small, about 30 square meters, but in this space i've managed to put a stove, a "bed" mostly made out of old rags and stuff, couple of closets and ofcourse my farm, which if i may quite modestly say i am very proud of. When i found those seeds, i became the happiest man alive or walking-dead-sort of-not really-alive thing. But i think by now you get the picture: i'm a stoner in an apocalypse by zombie plague. One might say its boring, and sad or even tragic, but i find it hilarious, i trully do. Becouse since it happened i've seen some happy motherfuckers around here. I mean, what is better than geting in a fight with your wife about some dumb shit, than literally beeing able to go out and shoot somebody out of frustration?!? What beats that? Nothing! Except maybe a cold one after a busy day of procrastinating, like most of my days go.
Now people usually think about survival in this sort of mess i'm in, but i rather think about life. If you jeed food you go out and shoot something, if you need water you go to the river and drink some, it's quite simple really, all this post-apocalyptic bullshit. Just movies make it hard with all the drama and family stuff. There can't be any drama if they're dead. Not that i killed them, but i kight have been involved in the proces before their death. But don't start hating on me yet, let me explain. My father was an asshole, he was that regular type city guy with a low paid job. Angry all the time, and probably would trade me for a football ticket, he was for Liverpool, told you he was an idiot. My mom was caring, lovely and sweet, now think of the best posible oposites of those words, and you'll describe her perfectly. I had a sister once, but she married some ruch guy in columbia, i never met him, but i think i snorted his coke once, it was some good shit. But they're in a better place now, the police caught them couple of years back and they all died while trying to escape, i think the house blew up or something.
Now back to reality. By these words let my adventure begin, now i shall wonder in ti the unknow, and probably die a horrible death, but why dafuck do i care, the world is fucked anyways, better be living the last days to the max
End of part one.
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